For the Love of a Daughter
by The King's Soldier
Summary: "He sacrificed his chance at knowing her just to give her the life he thought she deserved." Thirteen years after season 1, Julia is hiding out with Alan and Sarah's daughter. While contemplating her niece's life, she comes to understand the real reason Hiroshi gave her up, leading to an emotional phone call and a long overdue thank-you. AU after season 1.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Author's Note: I don't usually write stories outside of the time period expressed in the show, but this one randomly popped into my head and it was just so vivid that I had to write it down. It stays canon with season one except that Alan was able to get Julia off Spencer's helicopter at the end, so she never ends up working for Ilaria. I'm pretty much disregarding where season two looks to be going, so that makes this slightly AU. In this timeline, Alan and Sarah end up getting married sometime after Arctic Biosystems, and eventually so do Julia and Peter. Sarah gives birth to a daughter named Carter that she and Alan raise while constantly moving around to keep her safe. They, Julia, and Peter all work together to destroy Ilaria from under the radar. This story takes place after Ilaria has managed to track them all down and they have to split up temporarily, so Julia is hiding out with her niece until Alan decides its safe for everyone to meet back up. But the focus of this is really on Julia's relationship with Hiroshi. Hopefully that all makes sense and doesn't seem too weird. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>For the Love of a Daughter<strong>

"_Well, you only need the light when it's burning low.  
>...Only hate the road when you're missing home.<br>Only know you love her when you let her go.  
>And you let her go."<br>-Passenger_

Julia hates being on the road. Actually, that's not entirely accurate. She loves traveling, loves the experiences and the excitement. But she never sleeps as well in a foreign bed as she does at home. Of course, the constant moving around over the last several years has made "home" a pretty loose concept. But an old motel in the backwoods of Bosnia definitely doesn't qualify. Still, Julia has a feeling her restlessness has less to do with the accommodations and more with the fact that Ilaria very nearly had them this time. That was two days ago and she's still on high alert.

Twelve-year-old Carter Farragut, on the other hand, is having no such problem. She's currently sound asleep on one side of the queen bed that occupies most of the room. She and Julia spent the last two days hightailing it across Italy and former Yugoslavia, so it makes sense that she's exhausted. In fact, she was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. But Julia is having no such luck. So instead she's taken up residence in a hard chair in the corner of the dark room where she can watch both her niece and the door.

The truth is that this level of caution probably isn't necessary. They should be safe by now. Well, as safe as they can be from an organization with eyes and ears everywhere. But Julia highly doubts that even Ilaria has people out here. Alan and Sarah finally broke radio silence a few hours ago with a coded text saying they're safe, and Peter did the same, so for now it looks like they've managed to give Ilaria the slip. Even so, Julia's feet kicked up on the coffee table are still in their boots, and her coat and gun are both on the table within easy reach.

According to her watch, it's still just after two a.m. Julia groans quietly and leans her head back against the wall, taking another look around the dark room to try and pass the time. The paint is flaking, the carpet is frayed, there's a stain on the ceiling that looks like water damage from the next floor up, and the lone light fixture above the bed is just a dangling bulb with frayed wiring. The old radiator in the corner keeps going on and off in noisy, spastic spurts that leave the room colder than Julia would like. It's definitely not a five-star establishment. But it's also a far cry from the worst place she's ever spent the night. On the bright side, the low status of the place means Ilaria's finest probably won't be bunking anywhere near here.

Carter stirs in the bed, turning over so that her face is partially visible. She looks so much like Sarah. Except for when she's thinking hard. Then she looks like Alan. She has his eyes too. Julia watches those closed eyes for a moment to be sure Carter's still asleep. The kid deserves a good night's rest. They've been on the move for two days straight, and she hasn't complained once. Julia wonders if that's a natural character trait or something that was hammered into her over a lifetime spent with her parents constantly looking over their shoulders.

Her eyes slide down the side of the bed to Carter's backpack on the floor. It's the big sort used for cross-country trips. Most of its contents are various survival supplies and a few changes of clothes, along with a stash of Euros and a passport with a fake name. Stuffed into the bottom of the bag is a small box of various tiny keepsakes from Carter's life, two books (one science and one science fiction), and a worn teddy bear. The emergency backpack was all Carter had time to grab before a frantic Sarah shoved her daughter and sister-in-law out the door, so its contents are now the sum total of Carter's life.

Thanks to the efforts of the Farragut clan, Ilaria has been slowly coming apart for the last decade. But its remnants are still everywhere, and they would love to get their hands on any member of this family. Carter just makes the easiest target. Which is why, at the first sign of trouble, Alan and Sarah send her off with Julia to the remote corners of the world. For some reason, they seem to think Carter's safer with her aunt. And maybe she is. Julia has proven to be quite adept at both defense and flying under the radar. Even so, hiding from a corporation bent on destroying her family isn't something a twelve-year-old should have to worry about.

As if on cue, Carter shifts around again. Her brown hair falls across her face, and in the dim light she looks almost like Julia at that age. Julia tilts her head, trying to remember what she was doing at twelve. Taking high school biology classes, winning science fairs, and designing experiments with her nerd friends. It was a good time in her life. But now she wonders what would have happened if things had worked out differently. If Ilaria hadn't captured her mother and Hiroshi hadn't slipped her into the system, she could've grown up just like Carter has.

Inspired by that line of thought, Julia drops her feet from the table to the floor. She slips off her right boot and pulls up the insole to reveal a plastic bag holding two halves of a picture. Julia pulls the bag out of her boot, carefully removing the two pieces and setting them down on the coffee table so that the jagged edges line up. The resulting picture is the one Hiroshi gave her several years ago of himself, Jane, and young Julia down in the cabin beneath Arctic Biosystems. Alan has strict rules about none of them carrying pictures, but Julia can't bring herself to part with this one. It's all she has left of her mother. Besides, anyone who poses a threat already knows she's Hiroshi's daughter anyway, so what harm could it possibly do?

She reaches out and reverently brushes her fingers over her mother's smiling face. Then she looks over at the other half of the picture with herself and Hiroshi. He looks so happy. He could have chosen to hide his daughter there forever, secreting her away for fear of discovery. He could've kept her close enough to know her. But he didn't. Instead he decided to give her up. She's known since the arctic that he did it protect her, but now, as she sits in a dark room keeping silent watch over her niece, Julia wonders if maybe there was more to that decision. If maybe her father gave her up because he wanted her to have a life away from all of this.

On a sudden impulse, Julia pulls her burner phone out of her pocket and dials one of Hiroshi's numbers. There's no telling which of his houses he's staying at, so she just picks the most recent. Maybe he's still there. If not, the phone will send her message to a secure email.

Julia looks down at the picture on the coffee table as the phone rings. Hiroshi doesn't answer. She isn't really expecting him too. She'd sent him a quick message from Italy to let him know they had to split, so he's probably moved on by now just to be sure Ilaria isn't on his tail.

An automated voice tells her to leave a message, and then the familiar beep sounds.

"Hey," Julia says into the phone. She hadn't really stopped to think about what she was going to say, so her brain has to scramble briefly for words. "It's me. Just wanted you to know that everyone checked in and we're all safe. So... I guess I'll call again after we regroup. Bye."

She hangs up and sets the phone down on the table. It lands beside the ripped picture. Julia puts her elbows on her knees and rests her chin on her joined hands as she looks down at the image. She really does look happy there. So do her parents. Hiroshi rarely looks that happy anymore. Jane's death was hard on him. He helped Julia and the others begin the toppling of Ilaria, and he still helps out whenever they need him, but otherwise he's become something of a hermit. Julia doesn't blame him. He's been through more pain than any person should have to endure. But he just looks so happy there. So in love with his family. With his daughter. So much so that he sacrificed his chance at knowing her just to give her the life he thought she deserved.

Suddenly Julia's eyes are burning. She grabs the phone back up and quickly hits redial, tapping her finger against the tabletop as the phone rings. Once again it goes to voicemail.

"It's me again," Julia says after the beep. She's surprised to discover that a lump has risen in her throat. "I, um... I just want you to know that... that I understand now. I understand why you put me in the system. Why you stayed away all those years. I mean, I know you did it to protect me. I've known that since the arctic. But it was more than that, wasn't it? You did it because you wanted me to have the best life I could. And you knew that life wasn't with you."

She looks over at the bed, drawing strength from Carter's sleeping form.

"I look at Carter, and I see what my life could've been," she says. "All the running and hiding and pretending to be someone else. She's never had a best friend. She's never had a dog or a real birthday party or graduated from a school she started at. And I know that she's strong, but it's still affecting her. She's scared to let people in because she might have to leave them. She walks into a room and immediately plots out all the possible escape routes. She's twelve years old and she doesn't even know who she is because she's never had the space to find out."

Julia looks from her niece down to the worn backpack that now holds Carter's entire life and then back over to the picture of herself in the cabin Hiroshi so carefully constructed.

"Alan and Sarah think keeping her with them was the right call," Julia continues as she looks down at her younger self. "And maybe it was. I don't really know. But what I do know is that I don't think I could have handled growing up like this. Always hiding and moving and trying to make sure no one knew who I was. Never having the freedom to be curious or let anyone in. It would've smothered me. And I think you knew that somehow. That's why you gave me up, isn't it? Because you wanted me to have a chance to not just survive, but to live."

Her vision is starting to blur, and Julia has to blink rapidly to clear it.

"And yeah, the life I had may be gone now, but I still had it, and it was amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for anything," she says sincerely. "And that's because of you. So I guess what I'm really trying to say is... thank-you. Thank-you for giving me that chance. For loving me enough to give me up. You have sacrificed so much for me, and I can never repay you for that." She swallows hard, although he'll probably be able to hear the emotion in her voice. "Anyway. I just wanted you to know that I get it now. And I couldn't have asked for a better father."

There comes a click on the line and Julia freezes, worried that someone is listening in on the call. But then a familiar husky voice says, "Julia?"

"Dad?" Julia says softly. It still feels strange to say that word, even after all these years.

"I..." Hiroshi trails off, clearly unsure of what to say. Things don't get emotional between them very often. Finally he settles for, "I got your message."

"Yeah, I can see that," Julia says with a watery chuckle.

"I'm glad you're okay," Hiroshi says. His voice is a bit awkward, and Julia suspects he was sitting there listening to her entire confession. She rests her forehead in her hand for a moment as she tries to pull herself together. She really doesn't know where to go from here either.

"How are you?" she finally offers.

"Fine," Hiroshi says. "I was... preparing to go to bed."

"Well, I won't keep you," Julia says quickly, lifting her head. "I was just... checking in."

"I'm glad you did," Hiroshi tells her honestly.

"Me too," Julia admits. "I'll call you again after we regroup. Let you know we're okay."

"I'll be waiting for your call," Hiroshi says.

"Dad?" Julia blurts out. Her voice wobbles a bit over the single syllable.

"Yes?" Hiroshi says. Julia hesitates for a moment, trying to decide what to say.

"Thank-you," she tells him. Hiroshi is silent, and she starts to wonder if he heard her.

"You're welcome," he says finally. He sounds as if he might be close to tears.

"I love you," Julia tells him. She's never said it like this before. She's thrown it around in passing or used it to try and ease Hiroshi's guilt over his past actions. And it's always implied between them. But this time Julia says it with as much sincerity as she can muster.

"I love you too," Hiroshi replies fiercely. He's definitely crying now. The words cause a smile to form on Julia's face. She already knew they were true, but they still warm her heart.

"I'll call you in a few days, okay?" she says, wiping her own damp eyes.

"I'll be here," Hiroshi promises.

"Bye, Dad," Julia says.

"Good-bye, Julia."

Julia pulls the phone away from her ear and hangs up. Then her gaze slides back down to the picture on the table. Leaning forward, she taps the phone against her chin for a moment as she looks down at her smiling face and the faces of her parents. A strange peace settles over her then, as if she's finally gained some form of closure she didn't even know she needed.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out before slipping the phone back into her pocket. Then she picks up the two pieces of the photo and puts them back in the plastic bag, which she places carefully back into her boot. Once the picture is safely hidden, Julia picks up her boots and gun and carries them around to the far side of the bed. She sets the boots down on the floor and checks that the gun's safety is on before sliding it under her pillow so it's within easy reach. Then she lifts up her side of the blanket and climbs into the bed. In spite of the hard mattress and scratchy blankets, she finally feels like she might be able to get some sleep.

Carter stirs beside her, rolling over onto her side and opening one eye to look at Julia.

"Time is it?" she mumbles groggily.

"Two thirty," Julia tells her.

Carter groans in protest. She turns onto her stomach and buries her face in the pillow, clearly on her way back to sleep. Julia settles into the bed and stares up at the dark stain on the ceiling. Something is keeping her awake, and it has more to do with the lump of the gun beneath her pillow than with the rattling radiator that just kicked back on.

"Carter?" she asks softly, turning her head to look at her niece.

"Mm?" Carter groans.

"Are you happy?" Julia asks seriously.

"It's 2 a.m. and my feet hurt," Carter says, her voice muffled slightly by the pillow.

"I mean with your life," Julia corrects. "Are you happy with it?"

Carter pushes herself up on her elbows, looking over at her aunt through squinted eyes as if questioning whether she seriously wants to have this conversation right now. Then she sighs and rolls laboriously over onto her back to mirror Julia's position.

"Yeah, I guess," she says. She rubs hard at her eyes in an effort to wake herself up. "I mean, it's not perfect. But it's not bad either. "

Julia squints against the darkness, trying to see her niece's face better.

"And you don't ever wish it was more..." she trails off, fishing for the word.

"Normal?" Carter fills in.

"Yeah," Julia says, looking back up at the ceiling.

"Sometimes," Carter admits. "I wish Ilaria wasn't out there. But if they weren't, I probably wouldn't even be here. You might not either." She pauses to yawn, giving Julia a second to consider that before she continues. "My mom would've died of cancer a long time ago. Dad would probably be going crazy in forced retirement, and Uncle Peter would be drowning himself in work. As crazy as it sounds, Ilaria's why I have such a great family. Why I get to see so much of the world. And yeah, life can get a little nuts sometimes. But we have some good times too. I just think the good outweighs the bad, you know? So yeah. I'm happy."

"Good," Julia says, satisfied with the answer. Carter's always been a sharp kid. She has Alan's insight and Sarah's intellect, which makes for a fierce combination. Someday she's going to do something truly amazing. But for now she's just an exhausted kid who deserves a rest.

"You should get some sleep," Julia says as Carter tries and fails to stifle another yawn. "We've got a long day tomorrow."

"I'm trying," Carter says, turning back onto her side. "Someone keeps talking."

"Brat," Julia says with a smile. The kid definitely gets her sarcasm from her uncle Peter.

"You love me," Carter says smugly. She scoots over to rest her head on Julia's shoulder and wraps both her arms around Julia's right one, effectively taking it hostage.

"Yes, I do," Julia admits with a smile.

"Love you too," Carter mumbles. She sounds as if she's already falling asleep.

Julia looks back up at the ceiling and discovers that the dark stain no longer seems as menacing. This life might not have worked for her, but Carter actually seems to be doing okay. And Julia's going to do everything she can to keep it that way. It suddenly occurs to her that maybe that's the real reason Alan and Sarah always send Carter with her. Because they know she'll protect their daughter's innocence as well as her life. Because if something goes wrong and they don't make it, they want to be sure Carter's in good hands. Maybe sending her with Julia is their own way of letting their daughter go.

Carter's breathing has evened out, signaling that she's already asleep again. Julia finally lets her own eyes drift closed as well. They're safe here, at least for now. Tomorrow they head for the rendezvous. And maybe once this is all over, once Carter's safely back with her parents, maybe Julia can make some time to go see her father. She and Peter have been so busy the past several years with taking apart Ilaria that Julia's relationship with Hiroshi has taken something of a permanent back seat. But he loved her enough to give her up all those years ago, and she owes him for that. Just because she can never repay him doesn't mean she shouldn't try.

As Julia slowly drifts off to sleep, she decides it's high time for the prodigal daughter to finally come home.

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><p>If you took the time to read this story, please take a few seconds now to leave me a review. Feedback is much appreciated and this fandom doesn't have a very large readership, so it would be nice to hear from as many readers as possible. Thanks!<p> 


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